Joe Morishige - Dear Josh
Dear Josh,
There is a very big part of me that wishes your very existence out of my consciousness but I know there is still much to learn from you because I can't stop but running through negative states of mind whenever I think of you and the way you've been treating me. I think its very hard because in the past you have been so kind to me and have been so generous but there are states of mind that I get into that just make me have so much hatred towards you and it makes me feel terrible. I think about all the good will I've vested into our friendship and how I've done as much as I could to get projects done that you wanted. I remember watching the calendars, the rain, the soil, and stressing daily about projects you have asked of me. I remember great times drinking and smoking and drinking and smoking and it makes me sad that all those times are over shadowed by what I feel to be your greed and myopic view. I don't know this to be the case but I feel it in the way you've treated me, I feel it in the way that I am no longer feel welcome around you. I've spent hours upon hours questioning myself and my actions, yes there have been things that I said I'd do but wasn't able to do but when I look back on all the things I have done I feel mostly very hurt by your flat-out purposeful passive-aggressive attitude. Those I hold dear simply say label you an asshole at leave it at that, but it is not my personality to do such things. I feel you are much to full of yourself to begin to see the complex world that I've been dealt but at the same time I too am guilty of resentment of your world and in such state I cannot and could not see things from your perspective. Once upon a time you told me to look at things through your perspective which I had done time and time again to the best of my abilities but when you said such a statement made me truly feel that you've never took a serious look into things from my perspective. I feel you have no idea how much time and energy it takes to raise 2 children full-time, barely scrapping to get by, selling your most valuable possessing to put a comfortable roof and play room over your children's head. I try to shake my pride, I try to shake you face, I try to shake the whole situation out of my consciousness but there it sticks like a knife through my temple. This is why I sit here writing this, maybe to share with you someday, maybe for you to stumble upon someday. But for now, it is for myself because I cannot get our friendship out of my head and I cannot stop doubting my actions and dissecting things no longer dissectible. I try to look at the ways I've let you down, the under-watering and feeding of the trees, the weed on your 5th wheels floor, and only making you a clean pound. I feel guilt for the trees and hope they flourish but I'm learning and I've been trying and unfortunately my family has always been the highest priority but I did sacrifice a lot for you hoping it would fruit into something good for them but alas the fruit is nowhere to be found like your friendship and understanding. You've money to make and people to impress. How I wanted to impress you and those on the hill but it was not in the cards. Sorry.
Your friend,
Joe.
An open letter to Josh McKee
