You may think it morbid that I stand here typing in Watsonville California during a Kelp Monkey music intensive about what to be done when I die. At this moment I feel it as a wonderful opportunity to look into my heart and think about what's really important to me and what I want my life to stand for.
In regards to actions that those reading this in the event of my death, I don't ask for much, but I do have some ideals that I hope to be remembered by. First and foremost I hope that this wiki can be kept online and available to the general populace for as long as possible, to whoever decides to take those reigns I hope that you in turn find someone to take up this task when you die. It is likely I will see to this implementation before I die and steps will already have been taken to make this a reality but as of the moment of typing this this wiki could disappear rather quickly and I like to think of this as my digital soul, oh how fragile it is now. Once these steps are taken I imagine this paragraph will be removed, but here it stands. One last note on this, I think it'd be a great business to host and encapsulate wiki's to easily be distributed and viewed in their entirety.
Attachment to the funeral invite: City of Refuge
Jacey recommends Kazoo's of seriousness
What have I learned in the last 33 years of my life? Why does it matter? Does it change anythings? What do I want to be remembered by? Where did my paths lead? Who was important to me? What was important to me? What defined me?
I am not, was not, and will never be only me, I am equally you. I do not need to be remembered or forgotten to live on forever through you and from you to everyone you meet, through the air I breathed, the dirt I moved in that garden there, I live on in the generations of worms I tilled into the soil, in the seeds I saved, planted, sowed, gave, an received, I live on through the dinner I made for you, I live on through the unnecessary hate that spewed from my lips, through the heavy hand laid on my dogs, through the love I tried to live and my mistakes and my triumphs. The composition of what I am as a so-called sentient individual may no longer exist but that was only a fleeting shadow anyhow. At this moment I am still everything I ever was to you, the good, the bad, the nasty, and gentle. You are me, and maybe even a tad bit more so now if you just listened or read this, I have changed you yet again. It's so magical, so wondrous, so much more greater than just me, than us, because I was and always have been just as equally you.
I say this only to give you a visceral idea and feeling of the philosophy of what really matters to me. It can be so easy to get caught up in the feeling that we are just specs of confusingly complex mostly water and carbon chunks tied to a planet floating in an endless expanding universe with a somewhat insignificant impact on the world around us. Though there are times I can feel powerless, worthless, and helpless those moments melt away when stop and I dig down and connect with the realization of our universally interconnected state.
When I'm there I realize that everything I do matters, what I say matters, what I think matters (you often can't change what you think but impacts mostly come through thoughts manifested into action), and most importantly I realize that my Universally unique manifestation in this world has an unlimited potential to realize over this fleeting course of life and breath. I don't say this in the sense of being some great person set apart from everything else but I say this because I live to dig inside myself and to ask myself and the Universe around me what is my life's potential, who do I want to be, how do I want my actions to effect the world around me, what can I do to be the change I want to see in this world?
When I am quiet and listen to my breath, when I write songs, when I think of what really matters to me, when I look back at my past and breathe with the present, the future of my dreams starts becoming more clear and the person I want to be presents itself to me even though he's fleeting. I let myself dream about a world that I may never see but I live to be the catalyst and seed of its creation. It is these dreams and visions coupled with knowledge of the effects of my actions that dictate my life.
I am the most idealistic person I know but I also know that treating any ideal with zealot idealism is VERY VERY DANGEROUS for oneself and those around them.
Ideals are dangerous, they are guides,