Joe Morishige - Journal Entry 2023.03.28 - Always Finding My Way

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It seems a journal should not be something to agonize over, it should flow like water from you hands. It is an interesting conundrum to write such a thing for all the world to see (but probably not anytime soon) without feeling like I should censor myself. I really don't want to censor myself, I want to lay it down for anyone but mostly for myself.

It's been a hard few weeks finding my way.

I have had plenty of lovely time with the children and we went on some magical adventures to the snow. I love waking with the kids and leaning into their excitement in a new place. Eager to adventure and see what the new universe the car has brought them to has to offer. We woke up on the 16th floor, Kai was not excited about such heights but he was brave and gritted through every elevator ride. The kids were up at sunrise enjoying the view of the lake and were ready to get into the snow. Finding our way past the lingerie shop that stood across from the children's game center we found a pile of snow that had been pushed up by the plows, it was, big and dangerous and had steeps drops onto asphalt on both sides. After we got that initial excitement out, we headed to the car to pickup Kais found sled tools: a ski attached to a piece of treated 2x6 and a broken surfboard piece. We also grabbed hand shovels and an extra large shovel. We found our way to the back of the resort and setup shop at the corner of a grove that appeared to be shaded and had the deepest snow pack. I set to work digging the deepest hole I could while the kids slid around and created forts amongst other general exploration. We snacked until we had no energy left and walked to the california side and had a nice well deserved breakfast.

I have been able to have so much magical time with my children, this really is the focus of my life right now. It won't be long before they will be deep into their focus on developing their teenage-selves and to be honest I would be surprised that I won't play a big part of that but that could be completely naive of me. The real goal of my life is family, but how do I make a livelihood of family, thats the struggle of finding my way.

Gigs gigs gigs, who gives a shit about my gigs? How do I engage an audience to give a shit about my gigs. How do I engage a world to support me when people don't know who I am, care about what I do, or feel compelled to listen to what I have to share. Is creating music, playing, music, or creating art a realistic path towards my goal of a creative life style? Social media slut? Online BS?

All this work seems to lead to an endless list of questions for me, creeping along to find my way. I think I have laid the groundwork to express something new and to take another leap of faith and lean into sharing myself more deeply. What does that look like and where will I share this person?