Joe Morishige - Journal Entry 2017.08.08 - Whats Important and Seizure 1

Today I woke up to the sound of Hazel having a seizure in the bunk above me. First I thought it might be choking but the percussive nature of it and the fact she was non-responsive made me realize rather quickly she was having a seizure. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to witness, powerless, and helpless to do anything but hope it would stop. In hindsight I did the wrong thing by putting my fingers in her mouth so she wouldn't choke. The right thing to do is to put them on their sides so they don't choke on they're on mucus and spit. Hazel is now with Laura at the hospital going through the steps to get all possible tests to be sure it is not any cancer related issue. I'm stressed and worried but mostly can't stop thinking about the moment of powerlessness this morning. All that aside the biggest thing I want to remind myself is the following:

Being there for your family is what matter, listening to them, hearing them, this doesn't mean bending over backwards but it means sacrificing what you'd like to do to focus on the best nourishment you can give to your child. You will NEVER regret nourishing your child. Sometimes it's in the form of punishment because of bad behavior but mostly it's listening to their needs and talking about them and working together to come to a solution. Using every possible moment to teach and learn together. They are our teachers just as much as we are their leaders. They teach us only when we are willing to hear them and we can only lead when they've been heard. I'm not saying we should let them have they're way always but we need to honor them and put they're needs above the needs of our own. I can get so caught up in trying to get this and that done or have this and that in such a way when I'm missing the point.

I need to work harder at being their and letting the trivial things that crop up day not effect the most important thing, nurturing the children. If we eat when we are hungry and sleep when we are tired and not worry about the perfection of the schedule or place or what would have worked best we can be there for them and we can learn and teach in every possible scenario.

Health is such a fleeting thing, childhood is such a fleeting thing, innocence such a fleeting thing. My children are pure potential and I need to stop trying to force them in a box. Not so long from now they may slowly become more rigid, some of this because of my impact, but also in their realization of self. Let not my idea of potential be theirs but let it be their own. Let me not put them in a schedule so I can get XY and Z but let me be open to the ebb and flow of their lives and their emotions and needs so they can grow and I can grow. So we can learn more to take the best of each others strength.

I think I am ready to be a father now, I think I am ready to learn and share.

I love my family and live to become fulfill my potential so they can fulfill theirs.

A clean house doesn't matter.

Your to-do list doesn't matter.

Your daily goals don't matter.

Your bank account doesn't matter.

The things that you want to do for your own feelings of accomplishments DOES NOT MATTER.

The floor that wasn't swept doesn't matter.

The album you still haven't finished doesn't matter.