Joe Morishige - Journal Entry 2016.03.24

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Ideas racing through my head, great ones, and they all flutter away like flys into a raging fire. For the first time in a long time I am aware of these mental shifts and my consciousness skirting the edge of grandiose delusions. There is something the first full moon that greets the spring. I can't tell if it's magic after a few months of cold and rain or more likely I feel something much deeper something that aligns the heavens with my spirit and my intent. It seems that around this time of year my intent becomes magnified so much so that I feel like I am propelled up a steep mountain and I'm quickly standing on its peak like a razors edge. I can see very far at this peak and it all seems very clear but its also wizzing by fast. From one moment to the next I feel aligned with new ideas manifesting themselves but very few of the ideas stick around long enough to steep into a actionable idea. At this needle point it's also very easy to let me ego get the better of me, the confidence in my racing mind can easily inflate my ego causing a slip into being skewered by my own pride. When I am in these states of my I often think of the proverb, "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."

At this spring phase of heightened awareness I have been more even keeled and mindful than ever before. In this state it is easy to get lost in perfecting the moment once things start seem to go so smoothly. I have been able to catch myself and take myself back to my breath and then to my eyes for some reason I haven't yet gotten back to my ears. Soon.

Gardening has been teaching me a lot about myself and about life. My children have been flourishing and up until today Laura and I have been in serious sync with each other. Last night and today the reality of Laura's next surgery has been hitting her very hard. It has been hard for me to put my own ego on the side and be there for her however she needs. Sometimes I wish she'd be more truthful to herself and instead of always saying she's okay, letting herself say she is not and then dive into that. Unfortunately I don't think this is something you really can ask of someone to do. And I have yet to find the right approach. I think I need to step back and simply tell her I am here for you in anyway you need and I love you.

Learning to let go of the, "Lots to do" ideal and moving towards, "doing what is in front of me with all that I am". Although this philosophy may seem to miss the idea of preparation, well I can't explain it yet but somehow it doesn't, my compass for what I want to achieve in my life is more clear to me now than ever. I want to state an intentional community revolving around using all available technologies to live efficiently and sustainability. I look around me and although a lot of people talk a lot of talk about sustainability and caring for the future I see lots of new shiny things that serve little to no purpose of anything more than perpetuating the "status culture". I am here to learn and share. Intrinsic value has been lost, I am in search of it and in this world of information its continuously being shrouded in secrets because so much money has been invested into its creation. Until money is not the driving factor for the creation of sustainable technology and lifestyles we can and will never be able to get close to creating a sustainable culture. (Getting close to getting impaled!)

G' Night.