Joe Morishige - Journal Entry 2015.07.16

From ~ Community System Blueprint
Jump to: navigation, search

On the brink of tears, my thoughts are racing, where am I going, what am I doing, where will this passion take me. I had a wonderful and comforting time at Jacey's house today. Since I've been homesteading on the mountain I've had very little opportunities to keep in touch with those closest to me and those who've had the biggest impact on bringing me to where I am. Probably about 8 years ago Jacey told me a simple sentence, "Profit is Wrong". It is these 3 little words that have made the largest impact on how I have chosen to live and the lens that I view the world from. I have known this for sometime now but today I felt it more than I have in a long time, that the words and songs that we've written together are the foundation for the life that I live. There are days that they don't penetrate, mostly because I'm lost somewhere else in my mind. But whenever I'm here and present with the universe around me the songs bring me to tears. When I am really present I can't help but sob and internalize the lyrics, "I sat down by your grave and spoke every word I didn't have time to say. And also, "Could we find peace in this place with need in our hearts burning up everything." I feel so lost and sad that our race cannot help but care only for themselves oppressing, killing, raping, abusing, using, etc. etc. etc. for what?

These songs bring me to tears because the ideals are so far away from the world that I deal with on the day to day. I yearn to see my fellow man be freed from the slavery of their egos and possessions but I know its going to take a infinite amount of time for any of these things to be a reality.

Here I sit, with a cup of tea sent from a far away land yearning to be myself, yearning to make change, terrified of the world I live in and even more terrified on the possible terror and homogenization of the human race.

I don't know where this path will take me but I hope it leads to truth and love.

In the midst of these tears there is a subtle confidence that I know I am getting closer to being myself and I'm living the life that is the change I want to see. I'm not perfect, I'm often a piece of shit, but I'm working, chipping, striving, dreaming, and hoping. Dreaming for my kids but not pushing. Yearning yearning yearning for change for hope somewhere, please show yourself. I know you're there.

Thank you universe for being there for me and thank you for all you have given me.